Oh my. Chick Fil A is quite tasty, but now I just need a nap.
Why oh why do we eat stuff that is so horrible for us?
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Dear Friend
Dear Friend,
I am writing this because in order to preserve the peace I apologized for having said something snarky. It is what we do sometimes even when we are not sorry and believe we have been wronged and are owed an apology ourselves. We do it in order to keep the peace and attempt to move on with our lives...
Months of malicious, insidious, and manipulative behavior and your inability to stand up to it have contributed to these feelings. Our mutual friend's inability to take responsibility for their actions and apologize for hurting feelings has perhaps led me to be more angry than is justified in this particular situation. The proverbial straw on the camel's back as it were.
I realize no one is without blame in this. Everyone has brought their own baggage and hurt from past experiences and indiscretions. My regret is my own inability to not stumble over my emotions; I hope that I can come away from this situation a better person and learn from my own mistakes. Most importantly, I hope to find ways to not repeat these mistakes in the future; to find the balance between being open and honest about who I am and what I need, but not to pour the feelings on the floor to be trampled on and salvaged for the next round.
Perhaps we were meant to have this brief tragic friendship so both of us could take away the scars of it and become better people in the future. It is a shame that we can not know now what we will know then. I hope our paths will cross again in the future and that time will begin to heal the wounds of the hurts we have experienced. I hope for your sake that you will find a way to dig past the inherent noise I brought to the table, and confront the issues at the core of this for your other relationship-the inherent dichotomies, half-truths, and unspoken words that have gotten caught up in our strange association of friends.
All my best to you and yours.
~K
I am writing this because in order to preserve the peace I apologized for having said something snarky. It is what we do sometimes even when we are not sorry and believe we have been wronged and are owed an apology ourselves. We do it in order to keep the peace and attempt to move on with our lives...
Months of malicious, insidious, and manipulative behavior and your inability to stand up to it have contributed to these feelings. Our mutual friend's inability to take responsibility for their actions and apologize for hurting feelings has perhaps led me to be more angry than is justified in this particular situation. The proverbial straw on the camel's back as it were.
I realize no one is without blame in this. Everyone has brought their own baggage and hurt from past experiences and indiscretions. My regret is my own inability to not stumble over my emotions; I hope that I can come away from this situation a better person and learn from my own mistakes. Most importantly, I hope to find ways to not repeat these mistakes in the future; to find the balance between being open and honest about who I am and what I need, but not to pour the feelings on the floor to be trampled on and salvaged for the next round.
Perhaps we were meant to have this brief tragic friendship so both of us could take away the scars of it and become better people in the future. It is a shame that we can not know now what we will know then. I hope our paths will cross again in the future and that time will begin to heal the wounds of the hurts we have experienced. I hope for your sake that you will find a way to dig past the inherent noise I brought to the table, and confront the issues at the core of this for your other relationship-the inherent dichotomies, half-truths, and unspoken words that have gotten caught up in our strange association of friends.
All my best to you and yours.
~K
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Amazing people in my life
I have a lot of pretty amazing people in my life. Sometimes you have these myopic moments where you forget how much support you have.
I forgot that just because one person is mean and nasty, it has more to say about her and her insecurities than who I actually am as a person. Trying to make that person understand won't make it any different and only perpetuates the issue at hand.
So thank you to everyone who has been super supportive, from giving me insights into the things I need to work on for myself specifically but most importantly reminding me that just because I'm different from someone else doesn't mean that is bad. It just IS.
I forgot that just because one person is mean and nasty, it has more to say about her and her insecurities than who I actually am as a person. Trying to make that person understand won't make it any different and only perpetuates the issue at hand.
So thank you to everyone who has been super supportive, from giving me insights into the things I need to work on for myself specifically but most importantly reminding me that just because I'm different from someone else doesn't mean that is bad. It just IS.
No More Drama. Finally.
This is something I posted on Nov 17th on LiveJournal but wanted to move over to here:
This has been an interesting couple of months.
After a lot of self introspection, and realizations of the ways in which my personality style affects other people and the ways in which I bring drama to the equation, I decided to change a relationship in my life to help minimize the drama and most importantly concentrate on the things that are important-my husband, my kids, and the successful business I am building. The hard part was that this person and I actually got along really great, but there was another angle that we just couldn't fit together. It was hard and sad, but overall the best decision for everyone involved.
The weeks after that were kinda rough for me. I was alternately excited about taking another step on my own journey of healing, but also sad to no longer have this friend to talk to about it. But we moved on and seemed to be finding a way to maybe be friends again, slowly but surely. But the nice things was there was NO drama. No text messages from anyone about the latest boy drama at the club that weekend, no wondering if there would be freak outs over the wrong thing being said or misperceptions, none of her saying to my husband that I was "crazy" while this other person dealt with her own issues-namely a lack of direction in life, ambivalence about where to take the next step, co-dependent relationships and deliberate stirring of the pot, "just to see what happened" to the people in the pot. The calm was lovely. It was a level of calm I had not experienced in quite some time. I had even been hopeful that we could have a civil tolerance of each other and acknowledge differences and embrace the similarities.
Now 3 months later, the drama bubbled up all over again. It was recenlty revealed I was upset and angry at the time this all happened. (Umm surprise??) I had chosen to remove myself from situations where I'd bump against my own emotions and unfairly take this anger out on the wrong person. I wanted to process and grieve through it and ultimately forgive and move on-wipe the slate clean. We are all human, we are all making mistakes and stumbling, and I am of the belief that everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt and the chance to grow. (Altho this person doesn't feel the same about me, evidently) Now, I'm being accused of causing it all despite this persons outright nastiness and hypocritcal behavior for nearly 4 months - speaking one set of words, but having actions of a completely separate nature. Spewing nasty words to my husband and then being surprised that my husband and I might communicate about what was going on. Saying outright offensive things to me directly in the "well I'm just blunt with people," but shutting down, shutting out, or running away if anyone tried to return the favor of brutal honesty about her own actions. And there is surprise that I might have been angry?
Sadly though, this is all just white noise in my life-I really just don't care anymore, and it's a little scary to feel such apathy toward another human being. This person will never see my viewpoint. This person will never be able to look inside and do the truly difficult thing; be self critical in a way that actually matters, that actually lets you see the hypocrisies in yourself and their impact on other people and begin to have truly healthy relationships. And the most difficult part: seeing things in others that remind us of the things we hate in ourselves, and not demonizing them. Instead, seeing that one person's journey and healing (and most importantly the misakes made along the way) can be learned from, forgiven, and embraced as opposed to being judgemental, cruel, and malicious because you are afraid of your own journey.
Now 3 months later, the drama bubbled up all over again. It was recenlty revealed I was upset and angry at the time this all happened. (Umm surprise??) I had chosen to remove myself from situations where I'd bump against my own emotions and unfairly take this anger out on the wrong person. I wanted to process and grieve through it and ultimately forgive and move on-wipe the slate clean. We are all human, we are all making mistakes and stumbling, and I am of the belief that everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt and the chance to grow. (Altho this person doesn't feel the same about me, evidently) Now, I'm being accused of causing it all despite this persons outright nastiness and hypocritcal behavior for nearly 4 months - speaking one set of words, but having actions of a completely separate nature. Spewing nasty words to my husband and then being surprised that
Sadly though, this is all just white noise in my life-I really just don't care anymore, and it's a little scary to feel such apathy toward another human being. This person will never see my viewpoint. This person will never be able to look inside and do the truly difficult thing; be self critical in a way that actually matters, that actually lets you see the hypocrisies in yourself and their impact on other people and begin to have truly healthy relationships. And the most difficult part: seeing things in others that remind us of the things we hate in ourselves, and not demonizing them. Instead, seeing that one person's journey and healing (and most importantly the misakes made along the way) can be learned from, forgiven, and embraced as opposed to being judgemental, cruel, and malicious because you are afraid of your own journey.
Somewhat new to this blogging thing
So, I am somewhat new to the blogging thing. The past few years have been quite an amazing and difficult journey. I realize I have a quite a difficult journey in front of me too. My poor friends and poor husband who listen to be blabber on and on...and on...
So, I'm going to try the writing thing to process. That way the people who care to check in can when they have time, and the others who don't want to hear it, don't have to!
A wise person said to me "There are so few things in our lives that really matter; the rest is
just fluff and bullshit. The trick is to know what is which." So I hope to sort some of that out by writing and processing.
So, I'm going to try the writing thing to process. That way the people who care to check in can when they have time, and the others who don't want to hear it, don't have to!
A wise person said to me "There are so few things in our lives that really matter; the rest is
just fluff and bullshit. The trick is to know what is which." So I hope to sort some of that out by writing and processing.
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